I wanted my knuckles tattooed for a long time. But, I never felt 100% about what I had come up with. I had a list of phrases going on for years. Nothing felt....right.
I'm not too picky at this point in my collection of tattoos. So often, I forget if I have something or not. "Do I have a seashell?" or even "Didn't I get an Einstein's head?" But this was my knuckles. This meant something different.
But, while working on creating LIVE LIFE LOUD, it hit me. "LIVE LIFE,"....which makes sense to me on many levels. I pushed myself way out of my comfort zone with my first runway show. Most days, I was freaking out internally and convincing myself I couldn't do it, and, ugh, that was rough. I won't get into that here though you can read about those thoughts in my blog.
I've spent a lot of energy trying to fight my illness. But no matter what I've done, it hasn't gone away. So I realized the harder I try to fight it, the worse I end up feeling because no matter what, I cannot make it go away.
Well, it has taken years and a lot of internal work, but I have finally accepted myself entirely, illness and all, which helps me feel more comfortable in all aspects of my life.
However, that doesn't mean I never have to put up my dukes.
Sometimes, I gotta' knuckle up to disallow myself from getting in my way.
Sometimes I have to tough love myself- I have to remind myself that I am strong, worthy, and can live through anything.
This tattoo turned into the Knuckles design, representing all of these thoughts and feelings. It reminds me that "I've got this," and sometimes, I must pull on my strength and toughness to get through. And that's ok.
Thanks to my husband and art collaborator, Chad Wheeler, for his work. Check him out at Scorpion Tattoo.